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Absulum the Reindeer Elfworked in the reindeer barn

Absulum the Reindeer Elfworked in the reindeer barn.He had to clean it everydayand that was rather hardfor it was such a dirty jobto mop and slop and scour and scrapeevery corner, nook and crannyin that reindeer place.Absulum the Reindeer Elfhad to keep the reindeer groomed.He had to give them all a bath.He had to feed them too.Cook their meals, brush their furand fill that barn with hayand every morning when he wokehe would have to do it all over again. Absulum the Reindeer Elfplayed nurse and doctor too.He took care of all the reindeerif they were sick or had the flu.He fixed their sleigh, he mended their reinsand if they were sad he would wipe their tears.He worked his fingers to the bonebut it seemed that no one cared. Of course the elves in Santa's Workshopthey were such a happy lotsinging songs all day longwith that jolly happy Santa Claus.They laughed and danced from toy to toyas if it was such funwhile outside in the reindeer barnwas the Elf named Absulum. Absulum the Reindeer Elf,when he heard that happy noise,would wish he was a Workshop Elfmaking Christmas toys;but a Workshop Elf is wise and talland Absulum was notand that was why he was in that barn,well that is what he thought. Now, it was on a Christmas Evewhen this incident occurred,Santa's sleigh was flying highthere was no reason for concernuntil the wind came upand the snow came downin a blinding wall of whiteand all the reindeer saythat it set the stagefor the tragedy that took place that night. Through that snow the reindeer flewwith neither fear nor frightbut the wind grew strongand stronger stilluntil a blizzard grabbedthat Christmas night.And it shook that night,it shook the skyand it shook that reindeer sleigh.The reindeer they could hardly seeso soon they lost their way. They were tumbling twistingturning topsy-turvy'round and 'round.They hit the tree topsflipped the sleighand smashed into the ground.The reindeer sleigh was brokenit was scattered everywhere.There were parts and pieces on the groundover here and over there.Christmas toys torn from their wrapping,ribbons tangled in the treesand there upon the forest floorlay Santa Claus, and all could seethat he was hurt from the tragic crashbut just how bad no one would ask.For asking might be finding outan answer no one cared to know. The reindeer gathered 'round himeach one limping, scraped or cutand one by one they called his name"Oh, Santa Claus? Get up!"But not one move did Santa makenot a flicker not a soundand every single reindeer there thought,"What will we do now?" The sky was black there was no lightno moon or shining star.The reindeer huddled close for warmtharound Santa Claus who was lying therein such a heap of sadnesspines and twigs caught in his beard.Then one reindeer thought out loud"If only Absulum was here." Then suddenly the reindeer,well they all began to chant."Absulum oh Absulumdo you know where we're at?Oh Absulum, Absulumplease come we need you now!Absulum, Oh Absulum,"the reindeer chanted loud."Absulum, Absulumcan you hear us call?Absulum? Absulum?Absuuuulllllummmmmm?Suddenly a star lit upthat stormy Christmas skyand it fell toward the Earthand landed there at Santa's side.The reindeer all stepped backand gasped in wonder at the sightof Absulum the Reindeer Elfand the star he brought for light. He placed that star upon a treeand it filled the Christmas skythen quickly down with reindeer 'roundhe was there at Santa's side. Then on his knees the Reindeer Elfhe breathed a single breath of lifeinto his mouth and as he didSanta opened wide his eyes."Absulum?" Said Santa Claus."Absulum, is that you?"but Absulum did not answerfor there was too much work to do. He held his hand up to his mouthand let loose the oddest screamthat echoed through the forestthrough the mountains and ravines. Now, that scream? It was a creature call,one he learned when he was young.It was a call that creatures answered toand caused them all to come.And come they didfrom hovel, hole,from cavern, nest and treeto offer helpto a Reindeer Elfwho was in his hour of need. Within seconds Squirreland Moose and Deerwere there upon the scene.Raccoon, Fox and Bobcat cameand every bird from every tree.And every bunny rabbit hoppedand those who had to crawledto take part in the rescueof the reindeer and Santa Claus. Each part and piece of Santa's sleighwas gathered from the wreckand brought to Absulum the Reindeer Elfwho began to put the pieces back.The reins were mangled, tangled torn,the runners snapped in twobut Absulum the Reindeer Elfknew exactly what to do. And so, while he worked on Santa's sleigh,the creatures all pitched into gather up the toysthat were scattered by the wind.They put the toys back in their wrapping,tied the ribbons, filled the sack.By then that sleigh was good as newso, they threw the sack in back.Then they helped old Santa to his feetand up onto the sleigh.The reindeer they got in as wellwherever they could find a space. Then Absulum the Reindeer Elf,he called the creatures 'round.He placed the reins upon them alland said, "We're taking Santa home".Then up into the drivers seatthat tiny elf did climb.He took the reinsand without delaycommanded them to fly.Well, that sleigh took offit left the groundand headed straight into the skybeing pulled by Moose and Bunny Rabbitsand creatures who weren't meant to fly.But fly they did and how or whyis not an answer we need know.You see the question most important is,"Did they get them home?" Well, yes they did.They got them homeand quickly took them in.Missus Claus fed them chicken soupthen she called to Absulum.She said, "Absulum, look outsidethere are toys still in the sleigh.You have to get back out thereand deliver them right away."Absulum looked at Missus Claus.He knew she was in chargebut, instead of following her ordershe took his reindeer to the reindeer barn.He tended to their injuriesall that night and all the next dayand as for all those toys outsidewell, that is where they stayed. Because Reindeer Elvesconcern themselvesonly with what's rightand when taking care of reindeeris all you know in lifethen you do what must be doneto make sure those reindeer never come to harmand so, now you knowwhy Absulum works in the Reindeer Barn.

A guy is strolling down the street in London when he comes across an old lamp

A guy is strolling down the street in London when he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The guy says, "I've always wanted to be lucky." The genie grants his wish. Off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start, he thinks. As he picks up the money, he notices a Ladbrokes betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in. Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table, and puts the whole 1,010 quid on "lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and 'bang!' it lands lucky seven. Now he's really flying... what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for some horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says, "Welcome, sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge." The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl. So he is ushered into one of the rooms. In strolls the most gorgeous sub continental woman he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp. 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested. At one point, the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead." The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please scratch off my caste mark." So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden, he leans back and starts laughing his ass off. "What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl. The bloke replies, "You're not going to believe this, but I've just won a new car!"

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